Mermaids versus Allies (and Axis)
by DorisMae
Summary: Japan's boss holds a contest for a lucky Japanese family to meet ten nations, including Japan. What will happen when this lucky family has mermaids in it? And why did Poland not insist on going, too? Read to find out!
1. One Lucky Japanese Family

It was a crisp summer in Germany. The nations were gathered around a large oblong table for their monthly meeting. Germany, who was running the meeting, stood at one end of the table with a vein protruding in his forehead. His eyes were screwed shut, and his fists were clenched and resting on the table. Every now and then, he would exhale with unnecessary harshness.

After a minute which seemed like eternity, the old grandfather clock in the corner rang signaling the end to the meeting. Everyone was very glad to exit quickly and leave the tense environment.

Today had been a particularly unfortunate meeting. America rambled on and on about his Super Hero Robot Globo-man, Britain yelled at him, France sided with America to irk Britain, Russia bullied the Baltics, Prussia crashed the meeting, Romano and Spain had a huge fight, Italy asked dumb questions, and all the while, Germany was tired (Italy kept him up all night to keep a lookout for ghosts) and hungry (Prussia knocked Germany's plate off the table before he had time to eat it, and Germany didn't have time to make more food). No one could wait for the meeting to end.

Japan, although he individually had no problems today, had something very important to ask America. While all the other nations scurried out of the meeting room into the lobby for a nice after-meeting-brunch, Japan had to corner America before America had a chance to leave the meeting room and devour the food.

America hopped out of his seat and was about to make a mad dash for the door when Japan's hand grabbed his shirt sleeve.

"America," Japan said, "I am sorry I touched your shirt, but there is something I must ask you."

America gave the doorway one last glance before facing Japan. "Hurry up, dude! The food's calling my name."

Japan spoke more quickly than usual. "Well, my boss started a contest, and one lucky Japanese family will meet me and nine other nations."

"Tell the Japanese people I say 'good luck'!" America said as he turned to the door once again.

This time, Japan grabbed both of America's sleeves. "The winner was announced yesterday. I already asked Mr. Germany and Italy to come with me, and I wanted to ask you, too. We leave tomorrow."

"Dude," America asked with a twinkle in his eye, "you actually want ME, the hero, to meet someone in your country? HELL YES!"

Japan smiled to himself. "Thank you. Also, could you please ask the other Allies to come with us? You know them better than I do. The fees for the plane tickets and meal plans have already been paid."

"Of course!" America had a skip in his step as he ran out of the meeting room and into the lobby.

Inside the lobby, America had a plate full of sausage. He arrived too late to get any of the other delicious German food, so he took the whole platter of sausages.

"What the hell, man?" Prussia screeched. "Save some wurst for all of us!"

America responded by dumping the whole plate into his mouth, two sausages at a time. He chuckled and ran away to find some Allies. He noticed China in the corner chatting with Poland. Actually, it looked more like Poland was ranting to China about something, and China was sucking it up and listening.

"CHINA! DUDE!" America yelled as he ran to him.

"What do you want now, America?" China asked, sounded slightly pleased at how America cut Poland off mid-sentence.

Poland placed a hand on his hip. "That was totally rude."

"Yeah, yeah. Sorry." America dismissed Poland with a wave. "China, dude, someone in Japan just won a contest, and Japan wants US to meet them!"

"Me and you?" China inquired, raising an eyebrow.

America thought for a moment. "Well, I guess it's going to be the Axis and the Allies."

"NOT FAIR!" Poland waved an accusing finger at America. "Totally, like, uncalled for! Germany invaded MY vital regions in the war. How totally rude of Japan to support Germany but not me. I'm, like, pissed. I'm going to find him right now." Poland marched off, swaying his hips as he did so.

China sighed of relief, then looked at America and sighed of annoyance. He got rid of one idiot, but now he has to deal with another! "Tell Japan I will go. I don't want to, but I will."

"THIS IS GOING TO BE OFF THE HOOK!" America, having paid no attention to Poland's upset outburst, had China in a tight bear hug. China had a deadpan expression that only changed when America walked away to harass another Ally.

Russia was America's next victim. Russia was happily in a corner observing everyone else. America disturbed his serenity with a big pat on the back.

"Hey! Russia!" America gave him one more hard pat for good measure.

"America, what is it you are doing?" Russia inspected his back to make sure nothing was disrupted.

"Japan wants us to visit a Japanese family and stuff! It'll rock!"

"I think I will go." Russia smiled cheerfully.

"Dude, he WANTED you to go! Yes!" America ran away hooting and hollering before Russia could respond.

America was searching for two countries he knew would be together: France and Britain. As much as they hated each other, instead of them keeping a distance to one another, they were ALWAYS together. Of course, he knew he only had to listen for the bickering. Then, he heard it.

"No, I do NOT want you to eat that banger in such a lewd fashion! It's grotesque!" Britain's voice. Probably yelling at France for inappropriately eating a sausage. America had found them.

While dodging the crowd of nations piled into the small lobby, America suddenly bumped into something.

"Yo, WTF?" America yelled, making sure to actually pronounce the letters.

"S-sorry, America…" Canada whispered.

"CANADA, DUDE!" A light bulb turned on in America's head. Canada was certainly part of the Allies! "Dude, listen. Dude. Japan wants us, the Allies, to come with him for an all-expenses paid trip to a lucky Japanese family!"

"He wants me to come, too, eh?" Canada didn't want to get his hopes up just yet.

"Yes. Dude. You have to," America said with a sincere smile.

"I will. Thanks for telling me, America." Canada smiled, but America was already rushing past him to get to the other nations of his interest.

With no surprise, France was sucking on a sausage and trying to get Britain to do the same. Britain had an embarrassed blush on his face, trying not to look at France. But it was like one of those bad car wrecks. You just HAVE to look.

America did look, but it also caused him to run into France because he was not paying attention. France hocked the sausage onto Britain and his tea.

"Bloody frog!" Britain yelled. Amongst the crowd of nations watching, Italy was the only one who brought Britain a paper towel to try to clean the mess.

"It was America, not I!" France pleaded.

America placed one hand on France's shoulder. "Bros, listen. You won't care about this in a few minute because WE'RE GOING TO JAPAN!"

"Ooo, Japan~" France chided dreamily.

Britain kicked him in the shin. "What for? I sure as hell would not choose to vacation there."

"Look," America removed his hand from France's shoulder and placed it on Britain's, "I don't feel like explaining again, but we're going. It'll be fun."

"Sì (yes)," Italy said, "I am going too! So much fun!"

"WHAT!?" Prussia yelled from behind a plant (he was trying to eat his food in peace). "FIRST YOU STEAL MY WURST THEN YOU TAKE A VACATION WITHOUT ME? Is West going? If West is going, so am I!"

"Dude, I'm sure Japan'll let you come!" America gave Prussia a thumbs up.

"Well," France stood next to Prussia, "if Prussia and I are going," he randomly inserted his hand into the crowd and pulled out Spain, "Spain has to come, too. No exceptions."

"Dude, the more the merrier! PARTAY!" America fist pumped a few times.

"America," Japan said as he scampered to America and the others, "Poland has told me that you invited everyone to my country except for him."

"Dude, I only invited the Allies! Prussia and Spain wanted to go by their own free will!"

"But I only have ten plane tickets. My boss will be so upset!"

"Well," France, the voice of reason, said, "if the Axis and Allies go, there will be ten of us, _non _(no)?"

"Okay, but no more."

"Well, I can pay for the ticket and all," Spain said, slowly, "but I don't think it will be fair if Romano doesn't come…"

"_FRATELLO_ (brother)!" Italy yelled. "He has to come! Has to!"

"…Fine." Japan couldn't leave out one person. Besides, he knew Romano was important to Spain and Italy.

Romano, who had been searching for Spain ever since France pulled him out of the crowd, finally appeared behind Japan.

"What the hell is going on over here?" Romano angrily asked.

"_Fratello_, want to come with us to Japan?" Italy asked him.

"No."

Spain entered the conversation. "Please, Romano. I just made a huge deal about you going to Japan, and it would be terrible if you said 'no' now…"

Romano rolled his eyes and looked away. "Fine. Quit begging."

"When do we leave?" Britain asked.

"We leave tomorrow, from here." Japan responded.

Prussia, who completely disregarded Japan's rules, jumped in front of Austria has he walked past.

"Hey, Austria!" Prussia said as he snatched desserts off Austria's plate. "Want to come with us to Japan's?"

"I do not." Austria slapped Prussia's hand and walked out of the lobby.

Japan shook his head. His boss was definitely going to be mad.

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><p>The new chapter will be uploaded soon!<p> 


	2. Trouble at Bag Check

So, I've never been to an airport. I'm not sure how bag check and all work. Go easy on me!

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><p>The next morning, at the airport, Japan, Germany, China, and France waited for the others. Japan told everyone precisely when to meet: 6 a.m. It wasn't too early, right? Germany arrived at 5:30, and Japan and China got there a little before 6. France came a few minutes after 6. It was now 6:15. The plane will leave at 7.<p>

Since all of them (except for Germany and Prussia) stayed in the same hotel in Germany, one of their options was to leave from the hotel together. After fighting over who would drive, they all agreed to just meet at the airport. They should have all arrived at the same time…

Japan nervously shifted from foot to foot. Where was everyone? If they missed the plane, his boss was going to have to pay for express flights. What a conundrum!

Thankfully, another one of their crew arrived. A very flustered Britain with an askew tie and an unbuttoned collared shirt carrying a brown suitcase with a green sleeve of some sort sticking out of it ran into the airport.

"Blast it all!" yelled Britain. He ran up to the others, panting. "I'm terribly sorry I'm late. The traffic was horrendous." He walked away to a vending machine and purchased a water before anyone could say anything.

"Where the hell is Italy?" Germany asked himself. Germany offered to take Italy, but Romano refused to let Italy out of his sight. Germany put his faith in Romano being punctual, but he should have known both Italians had no sense of time. Honestly, Germany worried that Prussia and Italy both might miss the flight.

"I texted Spain," France said, "and he said he, Romano, and Italy are on their way. They should be here soon."

"_Privet_ (hello)," Russia whispered as he popped up behind China.

"_Aiya_ (oh)!" China shrieked. He jumped and spun around. "How long have you been there, aru?"

Russia said nothing but giggled innocently. China rolled his eyes.

Britain came back with his water just as America shouted from across the airport, "PARTY IN JAPAN!" America ran up to everyone else.

Britain sighed and unscrewed the cap to take a sip of his water. Before he could drink, America snatched it out of his hand while exclaiming, "Dude, I'm thirsty." America proceeded to guzzle the rest of the water, much to Britain's annoyance and dismay.

"Oh, yes indeed," France cooed, "very _thirsty_ in deed~"

"You're welcome for the water, by the way," Britain stated sarcastically.

America squashed the bottle in his hands and threw it into the trashcan. "Thanks, bro!"

"Maybe," Japan said, "you should all go to bag check. I will wait here for Mr. Spain and the Italy brothers."

"And leave a pal behind?" America gasped. "Never!"

"_Nein _(no)." Germany sighed. "Japan is right. I will wait with him. The rest of you, get your bags checked."

America was about to protest when Russia pulled America away by the arms.

Spain, thankfully, showed up right after they went to get their bags checked. Also, he had Prussia with him.

"Sorry." Spain shrugged apologetically. "It was hard getting these three up so early."

"Bastard," Romano grumbled. "You were just as hard to wake up, and you know it. If it wasn't for me yelling at you to shut off the alarm, you would have slept through it."

Spain chuckled and patted Romano on the head. Romano crossed his arms, and Spain placed his hands on Japan's head and patted him.

"Stop touching me, please," Japan said.

Germany clapped his hands twice. "We have no time for dallying. Go to bag check now!"

Germany had to carry Italy on one shoulder and Prussia on the other, because they were falling asleep while standing.

There were some troubles at bag check. Everyone except for Germany was checked in. Germany insisted on bringing up the back of the line, and Japan didn't seem to have enough tickets for Germany.

"I know my boss got an extra ticket…" Japan whispered to himself.

Germany glared daggers into Japan. "What is the meaning of this?"

"I just counted," France added, "and there are twelve people in the room!"

"Twelve?" Japan asked. "I had ten tickets, but I told my boss to get an extra one for Mr. Romano… who is number twelve?"

"Well scheisse (shit)!" Prussia, suddenly woken up, yelled. "It must be Spain! We miscounted!"

"I'll just purchase another ticket," Japan muttered. "One moment please."

Japan, without much hassle and a surprisingly short line, bought another ticket and returned.

Japan sighed for the umpteenth time. "We have a small problem."

"Suck ball! What now?" China inquired.

"The ticket I just purchased and the other extra tickets are coach. The rest of us are flying first class."

Romano gasped. "No way in hell I'm riding in the cheap seats with Spain! Not when that Potato Bastard and my loony brother get first class!"

"It'll be fun, Romano." Spain placed a comforting hand on Romano's shoulder. "We're lucky we even get to go."

"Whatever." Romano finally accepted his fate.

"How are we going to do the sitting?" Russia asked.

"I think," Britain answered, "we should just all pile in and sit down. It'll work itself out."

"No," China quickly retorted. "There are some people whom I definitely don't want to sit next to."

"We can draw lots," Germany suggested.

Everyone agreed, and Germany wrote random numbers on slips of paper number one through five. There were two slips of each number, and whoever got matching numbers sat together.

Russia and China both drew a two. China was mad at first, but then realized it could be worse: he could have been paired with America or Prussia.

France and Britain both drew a four, and they immediately went to argue about who got the window seat. France was fine with either, but he just wanted to argue with Britain for the heck of it. France ultimately got the end seat, and Britain got the window.

Germany and Japan drew the ones. They were both content to sit with each other and had no objections.

Prussia and Italy got the threes. Italy was half asleep, but he would have been fine with anyone. Prussia was a little angry he wasn't with France, but he liked Italy, too.

"So," America said as he shimmied up to the bowl with the remaining two slips of paper in it. "Looks like me and Canada get to sit together!"

Everyone's attention instantly went to America.

"Who?" Japan asked hesitantly.

"Canada!" America answered.

"Has he been here the whole time?" Britain skeptically looked around the room trying to find Canada.

"Y-yes…" Canada whispered, suddenly appearing next to America.

"So I'm not the extra!" Spain smiled cheerfully and rocked back and forth on his feet.

"What the hell?" Romano yelled. "I have to share a crappy seat with that America lookalike?"

"Sorry, eh," Canada said. "America invited me, and I've been trying to say I was here this whole time. I guess no one heard me…"

"Well I'm certainly not sharing a seat with that Maple Bastard," Romano spat.

"It's okay, Roma!" Spain smiled. "I'll ride coach with him. You can sit with America."

"YAY!" America clenched his fists together and jumped up and down in excitement.

"That's worse," Romano said.

"America is a small price to pay for riding first class," France said with a wink.

"Let's just get on the plane before we're too late." Japan led everyone onto the plane and into their seats. They waved goodbye to Canada and Spain as they went to the coach section.


	3. Beauty and the Britain

Once again, keep in mind that I've never been on a plane. I just know what I know from movies!

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><p>They all settled in for the nearly twelve hour flight from Berlin to Tokyo. They all sat in a row on the right side of the plane if you were facing the seats. In the first two seats sat Britain by the window and France by the aisle. Behind them were Romano and America. Third, Japan and Germany. After them were China and Russia. Last, and possibly least, sat Italy and Prussia. Canada and Spain were comfortably in their less expensive seats, also on the right hand side of the plane.<p>

About an hour into the flight, as the nations started to wake up, things went down.

Britain and France, after having a small scuff about Britain's nasty scone breakfast, were currently not on speaking terms. Britain gazed out the window at the clouds and sky with his arms folded across his chest, refusing to even spare a glance at the frog to his right.

France winked at the stewardess bringing him water as he snaked his hand up her skirt. They had been flirting with each other the whole fight, and the stewardess, an attractive brunette with freckles and brown eyes named Eliza, took every opportunity she had to wait on France. She blushed madly and giggled like a school girl when she felt France's hand ghost up her leg. Eliza attempted to catch her breath as she told France she hoped he enjoyed the rest of his flight. France winked as she staggered away.

"I wish you would stop doing that," Britain spoke quietly.

"What was that?" France accused. "I thought you weren't speaking to me. I guess your jealousy got the best of you~"

"First off." Britain couldn't resist turning his face to glare at France. "I am _not _jealous. It's extremely embarrassing!"

"She likes it though," France said as he blew a kiss to Eliza as she walked down the aisle. "A cute little thing, _non_?"

"No." Britain let out a long breath.

France actually looked hurt and taken aback. He brought his hand to his chest as he gasped dramatically. "_Quoi_ (what)? She is very beautiful. Even if you hate me, don't take your wickedness out on that poor girl. Just for that, I'll have to make her extra happy later when I—"

Britain quickly let out a burst of air from his nostrils before France could say anymore. "That is most certainly _not_ what I meant! Sure she's cute, but I don't think she likes it. You're embarrassing her!"

"Don't tell me I have to fight the Black Sheep of Europe for her!" France suddenly was back to his playful self.

"NO!" Britain yelled loud enough for everyone on the plane to stare at him. His face grew redder with embarrassment.

"Do you not see?" France said after a few moments. "She _likes _the flirting. Her being embarrassed is what makes it fun. If you really want her, I suppose I COULD find another stewardess…"

Britain deeply sighed. "I do not want her. I just want YOU to stop wanting her."

"Jealous of _moi_ (me)?"

"No."

"Jealous of her?"

"NO!" Britain yelled again. This time, Eliza said something.

"Sir," she said with a red face as France was playing with the bottom of her skirt, "a few people have complained that you're being rather loud."

"I am NOT being loud!" he said, well, rather loudly.

"Yo!" Britain shuddered as he heard America's voice behind him. "Even I think you're being loud!" America spied France's hand which was rubbing the back of Eliza's thigh. "GET IT IN, FRANCE!" America offered France a thumbs up with his right hand, and a fist pump with his left.

Britain groaned. "Not you, too!"

Eliza tried to say something but just kept sputtering and gasping.

"What are you doing later, _ma petite fleur _(my little flower)?" France spoke with a sultry deep voice.

Eliza turned white as a sheet and nearly fainted. She didn't know a lick of French, but she knew from his voice that he called her something sweet. "I-I-I have another flight that goes back to Germany on this very plane…" She sounded dejected.

"Looks like we'll have to make do with the time left on this flight~" France winked again. He reached up and pulled her down by her hand. He put his face close enough to her ear so that she could feel his lips against it. Eliza's breathing quickened, and she felt weak in the knees. France whispered something to her which made her face flush. She quickly nodded her head and unsteadily walked away. France shot Britain a smirk.

Britain stared back at him with his mouth agape and eyes wide. Finally, he caught his breath. "I don't believe you! What did you tell her?"

France, not losing his smirk, responded with, "I told her everything I'm going to do to her later…" Britain sharply took a breath, but France continued. "Well, not _everything_. You see, I did not want her to pass out, so I just told her a few things. I asked if she wanted me to show her everything else later." France, with a smug smile, winked again at Britain.

Britain pursed his lips and furrowed his eyebrows. His cheeks burned with anger as he pulled back his fist. Aiming for the middle of France's forehead, he took a jab. Right before he hit his target, his elbow was stopped by something.

"Dude," America whispered. Well, it was still loud enough for everyone on the plane to hear, but it was a whisper for America. "Do you want to get thrown off the plane? You'll die!"

France, only losing his composure for a second when he screwed his eyes shut, gave America a thankful head nod. Britain was exasperated at this point, and he had to force the angry tears not to fall from his eyes. He was tired and frustrated! France made it worse.

"Could Mr. France please report to the front of the aisle?" Eliza's voice rang out through the loud speaker.

"Looks like she's going to _punish_ me for being naughty. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm going to punish her~" France gave Britain one last glance of victory before shimmying up the aisle.

Britain allowed a few hot tears to roll down his cheeks as he saw France's arms wrap around Eliza's waist. He pulled her up against himself, and there was absolutely no possible way for them to be closer. With their faces not even an inch a part, France whispered something and opened up the restroom door. Both of them bumbled into it.

"DUDE, ARE YOU FREAKING CRYING?" America's voice boomed throughout the plane.

"No!" Britain immediately wiped away the tears on his cheeks and dried his eyes.

"I mean, she's hot, but not anything to cry over!"

"I'm not crying, and even if I was, it would not be because of her!"

"What?"

"It's that damn frog!"

"Aren't animals forbidden on this part of the plane?"

"Oh shut up already!" Britain shut his eyes and put his hands on his warm cheeks in an attempt to cool them. "I got barely any sleep last night. You drank my water earlier. I have not yet had my morning tea. I was irritable to begin with, and I had to sit with that ninny. Everything he says and does bothers me, but it seemed like it was on purpose this time. Why does he have to act so lewdly? It's downright distasteful! He needs to show some tact." Britain panted for a few moments after his rant. "America?" He turned to see what America was doing.

America, having lost interest in Britain's story before it began, was about to give a sleeping Romano a wet willy.

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><p>I try not to put any actually pairings in my fics unless my story is about them. I do ship FrUK, but it's only hinted at. The next chapter will be posted either tonight or tomorrow!<p> 


	4. Childhood Caretakers

Sorry for the late update! I had ethernet troubles.

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><p>Romano had been sleeping the whole flight. Sure, America was tired after getting up so early, but how could someone sleep an adventure away? Besides, watching Britain and France fight was a hilarious sight.<p>

America had enough of Romano's obnoxious snoring, and, now that France and Britain were no longer fighting, America was really bored.

While Britain was talking to himself, America thought of the perfect way to wake up Romano: a wet willy.

America put his index finger into his mouth and coated it with saliva. He chuckled to himself and he lined the wet digit up with Romano's ear. It was a good thing Romano was a deep sleeper because America's laughs weren't so quiet.

America's slick finger slid into Romano's ear. The only thing that could be heard on the plane was a loud, less-than-manly shriek from Romano.

Romano brought his hands up to cover his ears, and he shut his eyes tightly. America boomed with laughter and ran out of breath. America choked on air while still laughing in between gasps and coughs.

Romano glared at America and brought his hands down from his ears to fold in front of his chest. "You stupid bastard," he told America.

Britain, who was watching the whole escapade, and who was mad about America not listening to him, scoffed at America's insolence. "Brat," Britain spat at him. "Why would you ever do that to someone trying to sleep? He wasn't bothering you, and I was talking to you!"

America rolled his eyes. "All these flavors, and you choose to be salty."

Britain furrowed his eyebrows, opened his mouth, and moved his head back in insult. "You know damn well I prefer sweet food! You're always acting very immaturely and spoiling other fellows' good times! Everyone on this aeroplane was enjoying their peace. That's what you do, America. You destroy people's peace."

America sighed. "Dude, chill out. You were the one who raised me, so I don't think you should be allowed to take that tone."

"Tone!? America, I am _not_ using a tone!"

"I'm not using a tone," America mocked in a faux British accent.

"I do not sound like that!"

America continued with his imitation, but this time it was slower and more drawn out. "I don't sound like that."

"You are the rudest, most inconsiderate chap I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. You're almost as bad as France. How dare you accuse me of not raising you correctly when it was you who—"

Romano kicked the back of Britain's seat. "Both of you, shut the hell up!"

Britain snorted one last time and snapped his head around to glare at the restroom.

America shook his head and sighed. "Sorry, bro! Britain is a real poop head sometimes!"

Romano wrinkled his nose. "We are not brothers, and I'm not blaming you. Caretakers are the worst. I know how much of an idiot that tomato bastard Spain can be."

America's eyes widened. "Spain? Spain is pretty dumb, but he's way better than stuck-up Britain!"

Britain responded by pulling some headphones out of his carry-on luggage and listening to a book-on-tape, trying to drown out America's insults.

Romano turned to face America. "Spain is not really dumb. He is just simple. His simplicity is what makes him so annoying! He never knows what I want or how I feel unless I tell him!"

"Dude, but expressing your feelings through words is the best! It's so easy!"

"How so?"

"I'll tell you! Right now, I'm hungry! By telling you I'm hungry, I'm conveying my deepest emotions to you and showing exactly what I want!"

"Hunger isn't an emotion, America. It's not that simple."

"But I'm feeling it! I'm feeling hungry! I told you how I feel!"

Romano shook his head and scowled. "What about when you're feeling sad and stuff? How do you tell people when you're upset?"

America laughed loudly. "Dude, you're always upset about something. Everyone knows that! You have it easy. You don't even have to tell us, but we know. We all know."

Romano furrowed his eyebrows. "I am _not_ always upset. And besides, you're always hungry!"

"True dat!"

Romano and America sat in a silence for a few moments. Romano kept opening his mouth as if to say something, but he always just sighed instead.

In the midst of their silence, France and Eliza bumbled out of the restroom. Eliza was buttoning up her blouse, and France was tucking his shirt into his pants. They shared one last kiss, and France, with a skip in his step, took a seat next to Britain. Britain ripped off his headphones, and the two argued once more.

America frowned and looked at the back of France's chair forlornly. "I told you Britain was way worse. He fights with everyone no matter what. He always acts like a gentlemen in front of new people or in professional circumstances, but he's a real jerk behind closed doors! None of his kindness is real. He's so mean!"

Romano turned to face America again. "I don't think he's that bad. He just gets flustered and lashes out to people he cares about."

"What the hell? That was profound! Show your proof! Proof! I demand proof!"

Romano drew a deep breath. "The two nations he's closest with, you and France, are the two he treats the worst, _s__ì_?"

"Hell _s__ì_!" America responded with a horrible Italian accent that made Romano cringe.

Romano decided just to stick with English. "He has known France the longest and has the most history with him. He raised you from when you were a baby until you got your independence. He cares about you two, but he thinks showing his feelings will make him weak. He acts standoffish because he thinks that will make him strong. Yeah, he can be a real asshole to other countries, too, but he mainly gets upset when his two favorites don't listen to him. He only tells you what to do to keep you safe and lead you on the right path, and he takes it to heart when you don't listen."

America had a dumbfounded expression as he blinked. He finally registered when Romano was saying as America snapped out of his trance. "Hell yeah! I showed that punk who was boss when I took my independence and kicked his ass!"

Romano, hurt that America didn't listen to a word he said (and suddenly realizing that maybe Britain really didn't like America), struggled to keep tears from coming out of his eyes. He didn't want to shed the second tear, dang it! "Fine! Whatever!"

America changed to a serious look, and he put his hand on Romano's shoulder. "I'm just playing. That's pretty weird how you know Britain so well. I don't really know what to say. I never thought that Britain could be mean because he cares. I always thought he was mean because he didn't care! That makes me so mad! He thinks he's _helping_ me and France by yelling and making us do stupid crap!? Why doesn't he just try talking to us like normal human beings instead of acting like a pompous douchebag!?"

Uh oh. That was not the response Romano was looking for, especially considering he was actually talking about himself and why he was mean to Spain. He had no idea why Britain was snobby and rude, and he frankly didn't care. Now Romano really couldn't tell America he was alluding to himself and Spain but switching names! "Uh." Romano coughed trying to think of what to say. "Why is Spain so ridiculous? At least Britain tries to be empathic and understand what others are feeling. Spain just does everything his way without even considering me! I mean others! He does stuff without considering others."

America instantly stopped fuming and raging and went to thinking about Spain. America was horrible at reading people, but he figured he could bull crap it and at least make Romano feel good. "Uh, like, I think he only yells because he cares, and—"

"We're talking about Spain, bastard."

"Oh, right. Like I was saying, I think he cares but has weird ways of showing it. Maybe he can't read people very well, and he thinks he knows you. Then when he tries to do something nice, you actually hate it because you never tell him what you like and dislike so he has to guess. When he makes you upset, he still isn't exactly sure how to tell you because you make it so difficult."

"So it's my fault? Everything is always my fault, isn't it?"

America started to panic. "No! It's Spain's fault!"

"How so?"

"Because it has to be someone's fault, but it's not yours…?"

"Why don't you just say it?"

"'It'!" America repeated.

Romano didn't catch America's cheeky response. "Spain would have rather had Veneziano than myself! He wanted to raise Veneziano, and he resents me because Austria got to raise the good Italy. Even Grandpa Rome hates me. Veneziano is better than me in every way, and Spain knows it. Spain hates me because I'm not my brother. Everyone does."

"Stop calling him Veneziano! I can't concentrate! Call him Italy."

Romano cried one tear. "I'm not even good enough to be called by my country's name."

A light bulb in America's head turned on. "So, you're both Italy! That's makes SOOOO much more sense!"

Romano couldn't help it when a barrage of tears fell out of his eyes.

America gasped and soothed Romano by patting his back. "Have you even met Austria? Dude, if Spain wanted to have Italy, he would have freaking had Italy! Austria is a total wuss! I mean, I can beat anybody, but even you could take Austria if you tried. He's just a nerd with glasses!"

"What the hell? You are a nerd with glasses, too!"

"Yo, shut up!" America waved his arms around to prove his point. "The point is, Spain could've totally whooped Austria's ass by opening a can of Spanish Discipline. He still can."

Romano thought for a moment before silently nodding and allowing a small grin to appear on his face.

America smirked to himself and whispered, "I done good. That's why I'm the hero." America literally patted himself on the back for making up stuff about Spain to appease Romano. America smiled again at his job well done.

Romano considered all the stuff America said as he played back all the crazy things Spain had done. Romano justified Spain's zaniness with the points America had.

Eliza sauntered down the aisle, "accidentally" bumping her booty against America's shoulder.

"Dat ass," America said to himself as he bit his lip.

"Sorry." Eliza giggled as she made her way down the rest of the aisle.

America turned to whomever was behind him. "Yo, Germany! Did you check out the ass on that one? Fine as hell!"

"W-what?" Germany stuttered. Sure, he _noticed_ her succulent rear, but he certainly did not _check out_ her behind. He turned beat red.

"Booty game too strong!" America laughed and went back to speaking with Romano.

Germany slowly turned to Japan. Although the two of them had been silent the whole trip, Germany wanted to talk about something other than the stewardess's body. Japan, awkwardly watching America make inappropriate comments about Eliza, decided he, too, wanted to talk about something else.

"Let's talk about Italy," Germany suddenly blurted out. Even though it was a little odd, Japan nodded.

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><p>I hope everyone understood what I meant. Romano was referring to Britain, but really he was talking about himself.<p>

Also, there aren't any official ships in this story, but I ship Spamano in case you could not tell.


	5. Let's Talk about Italy

Keep in mind that all the countries are exhausted at this point.

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><p>Japan and Germany had ridden in silence. Japan contently gazed out the window while Germany furiously kept his eyes on his group (and other people to make sure they were no threat). Thanks to America, their silence was broken.<p>

"Mr. Italy is…" Japan started. Germany was the one who wanted to talk about Italy. He should also be the one who starts.

"Italy is an interesting character," Germany finished. He instantly regretted his choice of topic.

"Bruh," America butted in. "I'm sure Romano could tell you lots of stories about Italy! We were just talking about him!"  
>Romano rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers in front of America's face, trying to get him to pay attention.<p>

Determined not to let America's input distract him, Japan continued. "Italy cannot follow directions."

Germany countered, "Italy is a great cook."

"Italy is very lazy and sleeps too much."

"Italy has a kind heart and puts others before himself."

"Italy is usually too ignorant to think of how his actions affects other people."

"Italy always tries to do the right thing and make everyone happy."

"Italy often cowers out of doing the right thing and is indecisive."

Germany started getting more and more aggravated by Japan's matter-of-fact attitude. "Italy is a good artist."

"Italy never cleans up after himself and is a slob." Even Japan sensed the tension. Instead of backing down like normal, Japan wanted to win the showdown that was forming. He was irritated from the events from earlier.

"Italy is a great person to go to for advice."

"Italy cannot keep a secret and often says inappropriate things."

"Italy is truly innocent when it comes to…things…"

"Italy is not very smart, and it sometimes feels like he does not want to learn."

"Italy is always very honest."

"Italy does not show up for training and makes excuses constantly."

"Italy tries his hardest!"

"Italy disregards authority and had a terrible army."

"Italy is my best friend, and he is nicer than some people I know!"

"Mr. Germany." Japan furrowed his eyebrows. "I think that's a personal opinion and has no real consideration of Mr. Italy's personality."

"I think you're jealous because you're not even half the friend Italy is! You've only had negative things to say about him."

Japan shut his mouth and peered out the window once more. The silence that followed was thick and unsettling.

Germany huffed and breathed deeply, while Japan had an angry pout on his face.

Japan, not liking confrontation or someone being mad at him, was the first to say something. "I am very sorry," he whispered.

"It's fine." Germany let out a deep sigh. "I suggested we talk about him. I didn't realize it was going to take a sour turn."

"Mr. Italy does have a lot of redeeming qualities."

"_Ja_ (yes), he does. He has a few bad ones as well."

Japan, who was now looking at Germany, nodded. "I failed to realize I was picking on him. How dishonorable of me. I do hope he never hears the awful things I have said…"

"I won't tell him. It'll only hurt his feelings."

"Thank you." Japan bowed his head at Germany in thankful respect.

"Japan, you do agree that Italy is an all around good person despite having some flaws, don't you?"

"_Hai_ (yes). Everyone has their faults. Do you really think I am a bad friend? I'm not good with people, but I really do try."

"_Nein_. I was just caught up in the moment, so I said you were."

Japan looked out the window once more. "Thank you." He tried to hint he wanted the rest of the journey to be a silent one.

"Now kiss!" A loud, scratchy voice yelled from behind Germany.

Japan's face flushed, and Germany angrily whipped his head around. "_Verdammt_ (dammit), Prussia! Not now!"

"Come on, West! I'm just poking fun!"

Germany sniffed the air. "Have you been drinking? I thought alcohol was prohibited!"

"That girl Eliza is a rebellious fox! She sneaks beer onto this airplane all the time. We go way back. And by that, I mean I slip her a few extra dollars, and she gets me something to drink."

Germany smack his hand against his forehead. "What if you get caught?"

Japan groaned. "My boss will be so upset. Please do not drink anymore, Mr. Prussia."

"Kesesese!" Prussia ruffled Japan's hair.

Japan pouted again.

"I'm not drunk. I just had a drink." Prussia laughed again. "I'm so bored! Italy is still sleeping, and I can't wake him up no matter what I do."

Germany's face reddened in anger. "Well, don't bother us! Solve your own issues."

"Fine." Prussia relaxed into his seat and smacked Italy on the head.

"AHH!" Italy screamed as sleep was taken from him.

"Really? That's all I had to do?"

"Prussia, don't hit people!" roared Germany.

Italy, who was not even groggy, asked, "Why did you do that?"

"To talk about West!" Prussia said has he draped his arm around Italy's shoulders.

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><p>This was a quick chapter, but both Japan and Germany are men of few words.<p> 


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